救救孩子……
也許我也不知不覺間吃了人......
Perhaps there are still children who have not eaten people.
Save the children...
Maybe I have already eaten people...
魯訊 吶喊 狂人日記
某君昆仲，今隱其名，皆余昔日在中學時良友；分隔多年，消息漸闕。日前偶聞其一大病；適歸故鄉，迂道往訪，則僅晤一人，言病者其弟也。勞君遠道來視，然已早愈，赴某地候補[2]矣。因大笑，出示日記二冊，謂可見當日病狀，不妨獻諸舊友。持歸閱一過，知所患「迫害狂」之類。語頗錯雜無倫次，又多荒唐之言；亦不著月日，惟墨色字體不一，知非一時所書。間亦有略具聯絡者，今撮錄一篇，以供醫家研究。記中語誤，一字不易；惟人名雖皆村人，不為世間所知，無關大體，然亦悉易去。至於書名，則本人愈後所題，不復改也。七年四月二日識。
一
今天晚上，很好的月光。
我不見他，已是三十多年；今天見了，精神分外爽快。才知道以前的三十多年，全是發昏；然而須十分小心。不然，那趙家的狗，何以看我兩眼呢？ 我怕得有理。
二
今天全沒月光，我知道不妙。早上小心出門，趙貴翁的眼色便怪：似乎怕我，似乎想害我。還有七八個人，交頭接耳的議論我，又怕我看見。一路上的人，都是如此。其中最凶的一個人，張着嘴，對我笑了一笑；我便從頭直冷到腳根，曉得他們布置，都已妥當了。
我可不怕，仍舊走我的路。前面一夥小孩子，也在那裡議論我；眼色也同趙貴翁一樣，臉色也鐵青。我想我同小孩子有什麼仇，他也這樣。忍不住大聲說，「你告訴我！」他們可就跑了。
我想：我同趙貴翁有什麼仇，同路上的人又有什麼仇；只有廿年以前，把古久先生的陳年流水簿子[3]，踹了一腳，古久先生很不高興。趙貴翁雖然不認識他，一定也聽到風聲，代抱不平；約定路上的人，同我作冤對。但是小孩子呢？那時候，他們還沒有出世，何以今天也睜着怪眼睛，似乎怕我，似乎想害我。這真教我怕，教我納罕而且傷心。
我明白了。這是他們娘老子教的！
三
晚上總是睡不着。凡事須得研究，才會明白。
他們——也有給知縣打枷過的，也有給紳士掌過嘴的，也有衙役佔了他妻子的，也有老子娘被債主逼死的；他們那時候的臉色，全沒有昨天這麼怕，也沒有這麼凶。
最奇怪的是昨天街上的那個女人，打他兒子，嘴裡說道，「老子呀！我要咬你幾口才出氣！」他眼睛卻看着我。我出了一驚，遮掩不住；那青面獠牙的一伙人，便都鬨笑起來。陳老五趕上前，硬把我拖回家中了。
拖我回家，家裡的人都裝作不認識我；他們的眼色，也全同別人一樣。進了書房，便反扣上門，宛然是關了一隻雞鴨。這一件事，越教我猜不出底細。
前幾天，狼子村的佃戶來告荒，對我大哥說，他們村裡的一個大惡人，給大家打死了；幾個人便挖出他的心肝來，用油煎炒了吃，可以壯壯膽子。我插了一句嘴，佃戶和大哥便都看我幾眼。今天才曉得他們的眼光，全同外面的那伙人一模一樣。
想起來，我從頂上直冷到腳跟。
他們會吃人，就未必不會吃我。
你看那女人「咬你幾口」的話，和一夥青面獠牙人的笑，和前天佃戶的話，明明是暗號。我看出他話中全是毒，笑中全是刀。他們的牙齒，全是白厲厲的排着，這就是吃人的傢伙。
照我自己想，雖然不是惡人，自從踹了古家的簿子，可就難說了。他們似乎別有心思，我全猜不出。況且他們一翻臉，便說人是惡人。我還記得大哥教我做論，無論怎樣好人，翻他幾句，他便打上幾個圈；原諒壞人幾句，他便說「翻天妙手，與眾不同」。我那裡猜得到他們的心思，究竟怎樣；況且是要吃的時候。
凡事總須研究，才會明白。古來時常吃人，我也還記得，可是不甚清楚。我翻開歷史一查，這歷史沒有年代，歪歪斜斜的每頁上都寫着「仁義道德」幾個字。我橫豎睡不着，仔細看了半夜，才從字縫裡看出字來，滿本都寫着兩個字是「吃人」！
書上寫着這許多字，佃戶說了這許多話，卻都笑吟吟的睜着怪眼看我。
我也是人，他們想要吃我了！
四
早上，我靜坐了一會兒。陳老五送進飯來，一碗菜，一碗蒸魚；這魚的眼睛，白而且硬，張著嘴，同那一夥想吃人的人一樣。吃了幾筷，滑溜溜的不知是魚是人，便把他兜肚連腸的吐出。
我説「老五，對大哥説，我悶得慌，想到園裡走走。」老五不答應，走了；停一會，可就來開了門。
我也不動，研究他們如何擺佈我；知道他們一定不肯放鬆。果然！我大哥引了一個老頭子，慢慢走來；他滿眼凶光，怕我看出，只是低頭向著地，從眼鏡橫邊暗暗看我。大哥説，「今天你彷彿很好。」我説「是的。」大哥説，「今天請何先生來，給你診一診。」我説「可以！」其實我豈不知道這老頭子是劊子手扮的！無非借了看脈這名目，揣一揣肥瘠：因這功勞，也分一片肉吃。我也不怕；雖然不吃人，膽子卻比他們還壯。伸出兩個拳頭，看他如何下手。老頭子坐著，閉了眼睛，摸了好一會，呆了好一會；便張開他鬼眼睛説，「不要亂想。靜靜的養幾天，就好了。」
不要亂想，靜靜的養！養肥了，他們是自然可以多吃；我有什麼好處，怎麼會「好了」？他們這群人，又想吃人，又是鬼鬼祟祟，想法子遮掩，不敢直截下手，真要令我笑死。我忍不住，便放聲大笑起來，十分快活。自己曉得這笑聲裏面，有的是義勇和正氣。老頭子和大哥，都失了色，被我這勇氣正氣鎮壓住了。
但是我有勇氣，他們便越想吃我，沾光一點這勇氣。老頭子跨出門，走不多遠，便低聲對大哥説道，「趕緊吃罷！」大哥點點頭。原來也有你！這一件大發見，雖似意外，也在意中：合夥吃我的人，便是我的哥哥！
吃人的是我哥哥！ 我是吃人的人的兄弟！
我自己被人吃了，可仍然是吃人的人的兄弟！
五
這幾天是退一步想：假使那老頭子不是劊子手扮的，真是醫生，也仍然是吃人的人。他們的祖師李時珍做的「本草什麼」[4]上，明明寫著人肉可以煎吃；他還能説自己不吃人麼？
至於我家大哥，也毫不冤枉他。他對我講書的時候，親口説過可以「易子而食」[5]；又一回偶然議論起一個不好的人，他便説不但該殺，還當「食肉寢皮」[6]。我那時年紀還小，心跳了好半天。前天狼子村佃戶來説吃心肝的事，他也毫不奇怪，不住的點頭。可見心思是同從前一樣狠。既然可以「易子而食」，便什麼都易得，什麼人都吃得。我從前單聽他講道理，也胡塗過去；現在曉得他講道理的時候，不但唇邊還抹著人油，而且心裡滿裝著吃人的意思。
六
黑漆漆的，不知是日是夜。趙家的狗又叫起來了。 獅子似的凶心，兔子的怯弱，狐狸的狡猾，……
七
我曉得他們的方法，直捷殺了，是不肯的，而且也不敢，怕有禍祟。所以他們大家聯絡，佈滿了羅網，逼我自戕。試看前幾天街上男女的樣子，和這幾天我大哥的作為，便足可悟出八九分了。最好是解下腰帶，掛在樑上，自己緊緊勒死；他們沒有殺人的罪名，又償了心願，自然都歡天喜地的發出一種嗚嗚咽咽的笑聲。否則驚嚇憂愁死了，雖則略瘦，也還可以首肯幾下。
他們是只會吃死肉的！——記得什麼書上説，有一種東西，叫"海乙那"[7]的，眼光和樣子都很難看；時常吃死肉，連極大的骨頭，都細細嚼爛，嚥下肚子去，想起來也教人害怕。"海乙那"是狼的親眷，狼是狗的本家。前天趙家的狗，看我幾眼，可見他也同謀，早已接洽。老頭子眼看著地，豈能瞞得我過。
最可憐的是我的大哥，他也是人，何以毫不害怕；而且合夥吃我呢？還是歷來慣了，不以為非呢？還是喪了良心，明知故犯呢？
我詛咒吃人的人，先從他起頭；要勸轉吃人的人，也先從他下手。
八
其實這種道理，到了現在，他們也該早已懂得，……
忽然來了一個人；年紀不過二十左右，相貌是不很看得清楚，滿面笑容，對了我點頭，他的笑也不像真笑。我便問他，「吃人的事，對麼？」他仍然笑著説，「不是荒年，怎麼會吃人。」我立刻就曉得，他也是一夥，喜歡吃人的；便自勇氣百倍，偏要問他。 「
對麼？」
「這等事問他什麼。你真會……説笑話。……今天天氣很好。」
天氣是好，月色也很亮了。可是我要問你，「對麼？」
他不以為然了。含含糊胡的答道，「不……」
「不對？他們何以竟吃？！」
「沒有的事……」
「沒有的事？狼子村現吃；還有書上都寫著，通紅斬新！」
他便變了臉，鐵一般青。睜著眼説，「有許有的，這是從來如此……」
「從來如此，便對麼？」
「我不同你講這些道理；總之你不該説，你説便是你錯！」
我直跳起來，張開眼，這人便不見了。全身出了一大片汗。他的年紀，比我大哥小得遠，居然也是一夥；這一定是他娘老子先教的。還怕已經教給他兒子了；所以連小孩子，也都惡狠狠的看我。
九
自己想吃人，又怕被別人吃了，都用著疑心極深的眼光，面面相覷。……
去了這心思，放心做事走路吃飯睡覺，何等舒服。這只是一條門檻，一個關頭。他們可是父子兄弟夫婦朋友師生仇敵和各不相識的人，都結成一夥，互相勸勉，互相牽掣，死也不肯跨過這一步。
十
大清早，去尋我大哥；他立在堂門外看天，我便走到他背後，攔住門，格外沉靜，格外和氣的對他説，
「大哥，我有話告訴你。」
「你説就是，」他趕緊回過臉來，點點頭。
「我只有幾句話，可是説不出來。大哥，大約當初野蠻的人，都吃過一點人。後來因為心思不同，有的不吃人了，一味要好，便變了人，變了真的人。有的卻還吃，——也同蟲子一樣，有的變了魚鳥猴子，一直變到人。有的不要好，至今還是蟲子。這吃人的人比不吃人的人，何等慚愧。怕比蟲子的慚愧猴子，還差得很遠很遠。
「易牙[8]蒸了他兒子，給桀紂吃，還是一直從前的事。誰曉得從盤古開闢天地以後，一直吃到易牙的兒子；從易牙的兒子，一直吃到徐錫林[9]；從徐錫林，又一直吃到狼子村捉住的人。去年城裡殺了犯人，還有一個生癆病的人，用饅頭蘸血舐。
「他們要吃我，你一個人，原也無法可想；然而又何必去入夥。吃人的人，什麼事做不出；他們會吃我，也會吃你，一夥裏面，也會自吃。但只要轉一步，只要立刻改了，也就是人人太平。雖然從來如此，我們今天也可以格外要好，説是不能！大哥，我相信你能説，前天佃戶要減租，你説過不能。」
當初，他還只是冷笑，隨後眼光便兇狠起來，一到説破他們的隱情，那就滿臉都變成青色了。大門外立著一夥人，趙貴翁和他的狗，也在裏面，都探頭探腦的挨進來。有的是看不出面貌，似乎用布蒙著；有的是仍舊青面獠牙，抿著嘴笑。我認識他們是一夥，都是吃人的人。可是也曉得他們心思很不一樣，一種是以為從來如此，應該吃的；一種是知道不該吃，可是仍然要吃，又怕別人説破他，所以聽了我的話，越發氣憤不過，可是抿著嘴冷笑。
這時候，大哥也忽然顯出兇相，高聲喝道，
「都出去！瘋子有什麼好看！」
這時候，我又懂得一件他們的巧妙了。他們豈但不肯改，而且早已佈置；預備下一個瘋子的名目罩上我。將來吃了，不但太平無事，怕還會有人見情。佃戶説的大家吃了一個惡人，正是這方法。這是他們的老譜！
陳老五也氣憤憤的直走進來。如何按得住我的口，我偏要對這夥人説，
「你們可以改了，從真心改起！要曉得將來容不得吃人的人，活在世上。
「你們要不改，自己也會吃盡。即使生得多，也會給真的人除滅了，同獵人打完狼子一樣！——同蟲子一樣！」
那一夥人，都被陳老五趕走了。大哥也不知那裡去了。陳老五勸我回屋子裡去。屋裡面全是黑沉沉的。橫樑和椽子都在頭上發抖；抖了一會，就大起來，堆在我身上。
萬分沉重，動彈不得；他的意思是要我死。我曉得他的沉重是假的，便掙紮出來，出了一身汗。可是偏要説，
「你們立刻改了，從真心改起！你們要曉得將來是容不得吃人的人，……」
十一
太陽也不出，門也不開，日日是兩頓飯。
我捏起筷子，便想起我大哥；曉得妹子死掉的緣故，也全在他。那時我妹子才五歲，可愛可憐的樣子，還在眼前。母親哭個不住，他卻勸母親不要哭；大約因為自己吃了，哭起來不免有點過意不去。如果還能過意不去，……
妹子是被大哥吃了，母親知道沒有，我可不得而知。
母親想也知道；不過哭的時候，卻並沒有説明，大約也以為應當的了。記得我四五歲時，坐在堂前乘涼，大哥説爺娘生病，做兒子的須割下一片肉來，煮熟了請他吃，才算好人；母親也沒有説不行。一片吃得，整個的自然也吃得。但是那天的哭法，現在想起來，實在還教人傷心，這真是奇極的事！
十二
不能想了。
四千年來時時吃人的地方，今天才明白，我也在其中混了多年；大哥正管著家務，妹子恰恰死了，他未必不和在飯菜裡，暗暗給我們吃。
我未必無意之中，不吃了我妹子的幾片肉，現在也輪到我自己，……
有了四千年吃人履歷的我，當初雖然不知道，現在明白，難見真的人！
十三
沒有吃過人的孩子，或者還有？
救救孩子……
一九一八年四月
注釋
1. 本篇最初發表于一九一八年五月《新青年》第四卷第五號。作者首次采用了“魯迅”這一筆名。它是我國現代文學史上第一篇猛烈抨擊“吃人”的封建禮教的小說。作者除在本書（《吶喊》）《自序》中提及它產生的緣由外，又在《〈中國新文學大系〉小說二集序》中指出它“意在暴露家族制度和禮教的弊害”，可以參看。
2. 候補：清代官制，通過科舉或捐納等途徑取得官銜，但還沒有實際職務的中下級官員，由吏部抽簽分發到某部或某省，听候委用，稱為候補。
3. 古久先生的陳年流水簿子：這里比喻我國封建主義統治的長久歷史。
4. “本草什么”：指《本草綱目》，明代醫學家李時珍（1518—1593）的藥物學著作，共五十二卷。該書曾經提到唐代陳藏器《本草拾遺》中以人肉醫治癆的記載，并表示了异議。這里說李時珍的書“明明寫著人肉可以煎吃”，當是“狂人”的“記中語誤”。
5. “易子而食”：語見《左傳》宣公十五年，是宋將華元對楚將子反敘說宋國都城被楚軍圍困時的慘狀：“敝邑易子而食，析骸而爨。”
6. 獸，臣食其肉而寢處其皮矣。”（按：“二子”指齊國的殖綽和郭最，他們曾被州綽俘虜過。）
7. “海乙那”：英語hyena的音譯，即鬣狗（又名土狼），一种食肉獸，常跟在獅虎等猛獸之后，以它們吃剩的獸類的殘尸為食。
8. 易牙：春秋時齊國人，善于調味。据《管子·小稱》：“夫易牙以調和事公（按：指齊桓公），公曰‘惟蒸嬰儿之未嘗’，于是蒸其首子而獻之公。”桀、紂各為我國夏朝和商朝的最后一代君主，易牙和他們不是同時代人。這里說的“易牙蒸了他儿子，給桀紂吃”，也是“狂人”“語頗錯雜無倫次”的表現。
9. 徐錫林：隱指徐錫麟（1873—1907），字伯蓀，浙江紹興人，清末革命團体光复會的重要成員。一九○七年与秋瑾准備在浙、皖兩省同時起義。七月六日，他以安徽巡警處會辦兼巡警學堂監督身份為掩護，乘學堂舉行畢業典禮之机刺死安徽巡撫恩銘，率領學生攻占軍械局，彈盡被捕，當日慘遭殺害，心肝被恩銘的衛隊挖出炒食。十指“割股療親”，即割取自己的股肉煎藥，以醫治父母的重病。這是封建社會的一种愚孝行為。《宋史·選舉志一》：“上以孝取人，則勇者割股，怯者廬墓。”
Lu Xun Call to Arms A Madman's Diary
1.
Tonight, the moonlight is very good.
I have not seen it in more than thirty years; after seeing it today, my spirits are especially refreshed. Only now do I realize that for the past thirty years, I have been in a complete daze; yet, I must be extremely cautious. Otherwise, why would the Zhao family's dog have looked at me twice?
I have reason to fear.
2.
Today, there was no moonlight whatsoever. I know that can't be good. I was careful when I went out this morning. Zhao Guiweng gave me a strange look,[1] as if he was both afraid of me and also wanted to do me in. There were also another seven or eight people discussing me in hushed tones, hoping that I wouldn't see them. Everybody that I encountered along my route was like this. Among them, the most intimidating was a person who gave me an open-mouthed smile; it sent a chill from my head straight to my toes. I knew at that moment that their plans for me were already set.
I couldn't show fear, so I just continued along my original route. There was a group of children ahead of me that were also discussing me. They gave me the same look that Zhao Guiweng had given me. Their eyes were filled with rage. I tried to think what possible enmity I might have with these children that they might behave in such a way. I couldn't help but yelling out, "Tell me!" They ran off.
I tried to think what possible enmity I might have with Zhao Guiweng or with the others along my route. The only thing that came to mind was when I had stepped on Mr. Gu Jiu's account ledger twenty years ago.[2] It was quite old. Mr. Gu Jiu was not happy when I did that. Even though Zhao Guiweng doesn't know him, he certainly must have heard something. Perhaps that's why he's mad at me. Maybe he turned the others along my route against me. But what about the children? They weren't yet born when that happened. Why would they give me such strange looks now, as if they both feared me and wanted to do me in. This caused me to be truly afraid. It also took me aback and hurt my feelings. I understand. Their parents are making them act like this!
3.
That evening, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. No matter what it is, one must study it in order to understand.
These people -- some of whom had been forced to wear a cangue by the county governor, some of whom had been slapped by members of the gentry, some whom had had their wives ravaged by the yamen bailiff -- even when those things happened to them, none of their faces had ever shown the kind of fear and ferociousness that they had shown yesterday.
The strangest was a woman on the street yesterday. She was hitting her son. From her mouth, I heard her say, "Young man! I'd like to take a few bites out of you just to vent my anger!" Yet, her eyes were fixed on me. It gave me such a start, I couldn't help but flinch. That terrifying gaggle of bystanders burst out laughing. Chen Laowu ran over and dragged me home.
After dragging me home, everybody at home pretended like they didn't know me. They looked like complete strangers to me. I went into the study, and they locked me in, as if caging a chicken or a duck. This episode made it even harder for me to figure all this out.
A few days ago, a tenant farmer from Wolf Cub Village came to report that the crop had failed. He told my elder brother that there was a notorious thug in his village that had been beaten to death by the villagers. Some of them had dug out his heart and liver, fried them in oil, and ate them. This was meant to give them courage. I made some comment to them. The tenant farmer and my elder brother just looked me over once or twice. It was only today that I realized that their eyes had the exact same look as the people outside.
I thought of something that sent chills from my head straight to my feet.
If they're capable of eating people, there's nothing to say they won't eat me.
The woman saying, "I'd like to take a few bites out of you," the terrifying gaggle of bystanders bursting out laughing, as well as what the tenant farmer said, were all obviously secret signals. I can see the venom in their words and the daggers behind their smiles. Their menacingly white teeth are all lined up in a row. These are the kind of characters that eat people.
If I think about it, even though I'm not a bad person, ever since I stepped on the Gu family's ledger, it's hard to say where things stand. They seem like they have something in mind, but I can't guess what it is. In any case, once they turn on someone, they will call him a bad person. I still remember when my elder brother was teaching me to write essays. No matter how good the person, if I included a few critical remarks, he would circle that part in approval. If I included a few words of forgiveness for a bad person, he would say, "You have real talent. Truly unique." How could I ever guess what they were really thinking in any case, especially when they were about to eat me.
No matter what it is, one must study it in order to understand. In ancient times, people ate each other. I can vaguely recall reading this somewhere. I skimmed through a few history books. Regardless of the era, the pages were filled with words like, "virtue and morality." In any case, I couldn't fall asleep, so I spent half the night carefully reading. It was only then that I was able to read the words between the lines. The books were filled with the words, "Eat people!"
A lot of words had been written in these books. The tenant farmer had said a lot of words. Yet, he gave me that strange look with that eerie smile.
I'm also a person, but they want to eat me!
4.
This morning, I sat quietly for a while. Chen Laowu sent me some food. It was a bowl of vegetables and a bowl with steamed fish. The fish's eyes were white and hard. It's mouth was open, just like that bunch of people who eat people. I ate a few bites with my chopsticks, but it was so slimy that I couldn't tell whether it was a fish or a person. I ended up vomiting the whole kit and caboodle.
I said, "Laowu, tell my elder brother that I am going stir crazy and would like to take a walk in the courtyard." Laowu left without responding. After a while, the door opened once again.
I didn't move. I thought about what they had planned for me. I knew for certain that they were not willing to let me go. No surprise there! My elder brother brought in an old man, who slowly walked in. He had a menacing look about him. He must have been afraid that I would notice, so he kept his head lowered, stealing glances at me from the corner of his glasses. My elder brother said, "You seem better today." I said, "Yes." My elder brother said, "Today, I've invited Dr. He to come and give you a check up." I said, "Ok!" In reality, how did I not realize that this old man was to be my executioner! He was simply checking my pulse as a pretext to feel how plump I was. For this services, he will probably be given a portion of me to eat. I'm not afraid. Even though I don't eat people, I'm still more courageous than them. I extended both my fists to see what they would do. The old man sat down and closed his eyes. He felt my wrist for a while, then sat still for a while. Finally, he opened his dastardly eyes and said, "Don't make too much of this. Take it easy for a few days and you'll feel better."
Don't make too much of this! Take it easy! If I take it easy and fatten up, they will naturally have more of me to eat. But, how does that benefit me? How can that make me "feel better"? Not only do these guys want to eat people, they also want to be sneaky about it. They want to cover it up. They don't dare do anything too overtly. I find it all thoroughly laughable. I couldn't stand it anymore and started laughing out loud uncontrollably. I knew that my laughter contained a certain amount of bravery and defiance. The old man and my elder brother both lost their composure. They were paralyzed by my courage and defiance.
However, the more courage I displayed, the more they wanted to eat me in order to bask in my courage. The old man stepped outside. Before he got too far, he said to my elder brother in a low voice, "Let's hurry up and eat!" My elder brother nodded his head. So, it's you too! This major revelation, however unexpected, was actually predictable.
The person who will join with the others to eat me is my elder brother! The person eating people is my elder brother!
I am the brother of a person that eats people!
I will be eaten by people, but I'm still the brother of a person that eats people!
5.
These past few days, I've taken a step back and thought, "Even if that old man wasn't an executioner, but really a doctor, he still is someone that eats people." In the "Materia Medica something or other,"[3] written by their patron saint Li Shizhen, it clearly states that human flesh can be fried and eaten; can he still say that he himself doesn't eat people? As for my elder brother, I haven't treated him unfairly at all. When he was teaching me, he would personally say things like: one can, "Exchange children and eat them."[4] Another time, while discussing a bad person, he said that not only should the person be killed, but that someone should, "Eat his flesh and then sleep upon his skin."[5] I was still quite young at the time and my heart skipped a beat.
The other day, when the tenant farmers from Wolf Cub Village talked about eating hearts and livers, he didn't think it strange in the slightest and kept nodding his head. It is obvious that his heart is as cruel now as it was then. Since he can, "Exchange children and eat them," then he is capable of exchanging anything and capable of eating anyone. Before, his attempts to reason with me had always left me confused. Now, I know that when he was attempting to reason with me, not only were his lips dripping with the oil of human flesh, he was masking his desire to eat people.
6.
It's pitch black; I don't know whether it's night or day. The Zhao family's dog is barking again.
It reminds me of the ferocity of a lion, or the timidity of a rabbit, or the cunning of a fox...
7.
I know their methods. They're unwilling to kill me outright. They don't dare do that, for fear of jinxing themselves. As a result, they have all conspired with each other to lay a trap, forcing me to kill myself. One can surmise most of this merely by observing the demeanor of the men and women on the street these last few days, along with the behavior of my brother. Ideally, I would take off my belt and hang myself from the rafters. That way, they would be able to satisfy their desires without being guilty of murder. This would naturally make them howl with laughter. On the other hand, if I die of worry and fear, even though it would make me somewhat thinner, they would still nod in approval.
They can only eat dead meat! -- I remember there being a book that talked about something called a "hyena," the eyes and appearance of which were both hideous. It usually eats dead meat, even to the point of chewing up and swallowing large bones. It is quite a scary thing to think about. The "hyena" is a member of the wolf family. Dogs are also members of the wolf family. Judging by the way the Zhao family's dog was looking at me the other day, it has been in cahoots with the others for quite some time. The old man can't fool me by staring at the ground.
The saddest part is my brother. He is a person. How could he not be even the slightest bit afraid of joining with the others in eating me? Has he gotten used to the idea, and therefore does not think of it as being wrong? Or, has he suppressed his conscience, knowing full well that it is wrong? I curse all people that eat people. In cursing people that eat people, I shall start with him. If I were to dissuade people from eating people, I would also start with him.
8.
Actually, they should have long since understood this kind of reasoning...
Suddenly, somebody came. He was about twenty years of age, but I could not make out his face clearly. He had a big smile on his face, but it was a fake smile. He nodded his head toward me. I asked him, "Is it right to eat people?" Still smiling, he replied, "It's not a year of famine; why would someone eat a person?" With that, I knew that he was with the rest of them. He liked to eat people. I screwed up my courage and continued my line of questioning.
"Is it right?"
"Why do you ask such a thing? You must be fond of making jokes...The weather is nice today."
The weather is nice indeed. The moonlight is also bright. But, I want to ask you something else.
"Is it right?"
Disapproving of my line of questioning, he vaguely responded by saying, "No..."
"If it's not right, then why do they continue to eat people?"
"I don't know what you're talking about..."
"You don't? People are being eaten in Wolf Cub Village as we speak. It's also written in all the books in fresh red ink!"
His facial expression changed. He became quite pale. He stared at me and said, "That may be. But, it's always been that way..."
"Does the fact that it's always been that way make it right?"
"I'm not going to talk about these things with you. In any case, you shouldn't talk about this. It's wrong to talk about it!"
I jumped up and opened my eyes widely, but the man disappeared. I broke out into a sweat all over my body. He was much younger than my older brother, yet he was a part of their group. This was definitely something that he had learned from his parents. I'm afraid he may have already taught it to his son as well. That's why the little children are glaring at me with that look of hatred.
9.
They themselves want to eat people, but do not want to be eaten by others. They all look upon each other with deep fear and suspicion...
If they could just rid themselves of these ideas, they could work, eat and sleep without any worries. How pleasent that would be. That is the only threshhold they must cross. Yet, fathers, sons, husbands, wives, friends, teachers, students, enemies and even strangers have banded together. They egg each other on and coerce each other, so that they cannot take that final step.
10.
Early in the morning, I went to look for my older brother; he was standing just outside the entrance to the hall looking at the sky. I walked up behind him so that I was between him and the entrance. With unusual quietness and politeness, I said to him, "I have something I want to tell you."
He quickly turned and nodded, saying, "Go ahead."
"I only have a few things to say, but I don't know quite how to put it. I'm sure all primitive humans ate a little human flesh at first. Later on, some people stopped eating human flesh because their thinking changed. They wanted to be good, so they changed into human beings, real human beings. There were some that refused to stop eating human flesh. It's the same with insects, some of which later became fish, birds, monkeys -- and eventually, humans. Some of them did not want to improve, and remain insects even today. How ashamed these people who eat people must feel compared to people that do not eat people. I'm afraid they are way more ashamed than insects are compared to monkeys.
"We all know the ancient story about Yi Ya steam cooking his son for a tyrannical ruler.[6] Who knew that from the time Pangu split the heavens and the earth down to Yi Ya's son, and then from Xu Xilin to the man arrested in Wolf Cub Village, people had continued to eat people? Last year when a criminal was executed, a man afflicted with tuberculosis had even dipped his steamed bun into the blood so that he could lick it.
"They want to eat me. I know that there's nothing you can do about it as just one person. But, why do you have to join them? A person that eats others is capable of anything. If they can eat me, they can eat you as well as each other. But, if you change your ways immediately, everyone can live in peace. Even though it's always been like this, we could make a special effort to do better starting today and say that this is unacceptable! I believe that you can say such a thing. The other day, when a tenant farmer asked that his rent be reduced, you said it was unacceptable."
At first, he just smiled coldly. Then, a look of hatred flashed over his eyes. By the time I began to talk about their secrets, he started to turn green. A large group of people was standing outside the big gate. Zhao Guiweng and his dog were also among them. They were all pressing in to catch a glimpse. There were some whose faces I could not make out. It was as if they had covered their faces with a cloth. There were others who had that same terrifying look from before. Their lips were pursed. I realized that they were a part of the group of people that eat people. However, they each had different demeanors. Some felt that things had always been this way, and that people should be eaten. Others knew that one should not eat people, but wanted to eat them anyway. These others were afraid that I might talk them out of it. So when they heard my words, they became angry. However, they maintained their tight-lipped cold smiles.
It was at that point that my older brother suddenly gave them a dirty look and shouted, "Get out of here! What's so interesting about a crazy person!"
It was also at this point that I began to realize how ingenious they were. Not only are they unwilling to change, they had this all arranged. They had made sure that I was labeled as the next crazy person. In the future, when they eat me, not only will nobody take issue with it, they will probably receive sympathy. When the tenant farmer told the story about how everyone had eaten the bad man, it was this same tactic. This was straight out of their old playbook.
Chen Laowu angrily stormed in as well. No matter how hard they tried to keep me from speaking, I could not help but say to them, "You can change. Make a change in your hearts! You must know that in the future, there will be no tolerance in the world for people who eat other people. If you don't change, you will be eaten yourselves. Even if more of you are born, you'll eventually be wiped out by real humans, just like wolves who have been hunted into extinction!--just like insects!"
The gaggle of people was driven off by Chen Laowu. My older brother disappeared as well. Chen Laowu advised me to return to my room. It was pitch black inside my room. Above my head, the beams and rafters were shaking. After a while, they became larger and piled up on top of me.
They were very heavy and I could not budge an inch. His intention was to kill me. I knew that the weight was not real and began to struggle more. I broke out into a sweat. Despite this, I could not help but saying, "You can change. Make a change in your hearts! You must know that in the future, there will be no tolerance in the world for people who eat other people..."
11.
The sun has not come out and the door has not opened. I have been getting two meals per day.
Taking up my chopsticks, I started thinking about my older brother; I realized that he was the sole cause of my little sister's death. At the time, my little sister was no more than five years old. I can still see her cute, pathetic, face in my mind's eye. My mother would not stop crying. He begged my mother to stop crying. It was probably because he had eaten her. When she started crying, he could not help but feeling remorse. If, that is, he was still capable of feeling remorse...
I have no way of knowing whether my mother knew if my little sister was eaten by my older brother. I think my mother knew. However, she did not explain herself at the time, probably because she also thought that things were as they should be. I remember being four or five years old and enjoying the breeze in the front parlor, when my older brother told me that if one's parents were ill, the son should cut off a piece of his own flesh, cook it, and feed it to them. This was the mark of a good person. My mother never said this was unacceptable. If one can eat a piece of flesh, one can naturally eat the whole thing. However, to be honest, when I think of how she cried that day, it still pains me. How truly remarkable!
12.
I cannot think about it.
It is only now that I have come to understand that I have been dwelling in land where people have been eating people for the last four thousand years. Since my older brother was in charge of handling family affairs, I cannot rule out the possibility that he secretly mixed some of my little sister's flesh into my food after she died.
It is possible that I inadvertently ate a few pieces of my little sister's flesh. Now it's my turn to be eaten...
Even though I was unaware of it at first, I am the product of four thousand years of humans eating humans. Now that I know, I cannot bear to face real people!
13.
Perhaps there are still children who have not eaten people.
Save the children...
April 1918
Notes:
1. Zhao Guiweng's name is a play on words. Guiweng means aristocratic old man. Zhao is meant to serve as a not-so-subtle metaphor for the corrupt aristocracy of China at that time.
2. Gu Jiu's name is a play on words. Gu Jiu means old. Gu Jiu is meant to serve as a not-so-subtle metaphor for China's feudal past.
3. The actual name of the book is Compendium of Materia Medica (Bencao Gangmu).
4. "Exchange children and eat them" is an idiom from Zuo Zhuan. It is used to describe a dire situation.
5. "Eat his flesh and then sleep upon his skin" is an idiom from Zuo Zhuan. It is used to describe one's utter disdain for someone.
6. Yi Ya lived during the Spring and Autumn Period in the State of Qi. He was Duke Huan of Qi's beloved chef. Once, Duke Huan of Qi had commented that the only food that he had yet to try was the flesh of an infant. Upon hearing this, Yi Ya steamed his own infant and served it to Huan.
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